The saying “The only constant is change” is something we’ve probably all heard and it seems so wise, so true, and quite easy to grasp. Until your life is turned upside down, that is. Whether you choose to drastically change your life, or if it just seems to “happen” to you, the weight and chaos of change can feel like you’re on a roller coaster that may never end. In that moment of transition the feelings can be so real that it may seem like you will never feel anything normal, or simple ever again. I hope to write in a way that people can relate to, because if I write about a feeling in the moment that I am experiencing it, hopefully I can make sense of it and help others understand that this is UNIVERSAL. As humans, we have a tendency to think that only Me, Myself and I can feel a certain way, but there are 7 billion of us so chances are someone is experiencing nearly exactly what you are, right now, and maybe even looks exactly like you. Odds are in that favor because of the shear size of this world.
Let’s come back to another common expression.
“This too, shall pass.”
Ah yes, nothing remains exactly how it is. We are constantly evolving, changing, moving. Our energetic particles are in a lifelong and even infinite dance with one another. They may be doing the Charleston, while that rock’s particles over there may be doing a slow dance. An extremely slow dance. My point is that life is physics and it would only make sense that ALL of life is on a path of transition and movement. Your life is weaved into this universal dance of energy and if it didn’t evolve alongside the rest of life then life would stop living. Apocalypse of the zombie particles!
So when our parents decide to sell our childhood home full of memories of holidays, days of birth, days of death, and smells of home-cooked meals we feel completely disoriented. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! I scream at the world wondering what the lesson is here, and why I couldn’t have a nice, stable, comfortable house to come home to. And then I remember.
I own nothing except for my own body. And even then, my body will eventually leave me too. I am temporary. You are temporary. Your home, your family, your pets are all going to die. Forgive me if this offends anyone, but why do we fear death and transition? Our society turns our back on death and believes it to be the end all, be all of life.
Death is the beginning of life. With organic death, we have the opportunity to create a compost of the soul, of life, of adventures. All of the fallen memories, experiences, books, poems, and love shared eventually fall into an earthy pile of nutrients that we can grow NEW experiences with. If you use the same soil over and over to grow the same vegetables, the vegetable garden will lack flavor and ultimately wither over time. As is life.
So instead of shaming change and resisting it to the point where my chest is tight and my breath is constricted, I am going to welcome this chaos as I know it will make for a juicy garden down later. Perhaps I will not see the sprouts quite yet, but I have faith that one morning I will wake to see dew droplets sprinkled across the fruits of my labor like crystals. I will remember back to the time when my home became just a house, my parents turned into humans instead of superheros, and I decided to completely let go of my life as it is now and move to Panama.
There have been floods, fires, dis-ease, fights, discomfort and change beyond anything I could have ever expected. But my compost has been watered, charcoaled and overturned enough so that I can start planting some seeds that will grow in the garden that I have always imagined. I want to grow love from soil that has been inspired by the light that has remained in the darkest of times.
