Wherever I am in the world, my favorite time of day is always from about 6-9 PM. The day is winding down, the sun coats the land and sea with a beautiful golden light that gets softer and softer as time passes. Slowly, the light turns into a warm violet darkness and somehow my senses are heightened as a thick indigo blanket covers the sky. The air becomes more fragrant with the smell of the soft earth, still dampened from the rain the night before, my skin seems to cling to the salt in the breeze and my mind becomes more concerned than my feet about stepping on something that may respond with a bite, sting or claw. But my feet know better than my mind.
The soles of my feet are becoming accustomed to sharp rock, gritty sand and slippery wood coated with moss and seaweed. My ankles seem to be pretty tasty to the sand flies and mosquitos. But we all need to eat I suppose. I should see it as a compliment that I provide such a satisfying snack.
Last night I was welcomed onto a couple’s sailboat which is anchored a short boat ride away from Palmar. Victoria and Dave. The happiest most spontaneous and obviously electrically in love couple I have probably ever met. They had me over for dinner which consisted of spicy paella, salad, peanut butter cookies and bottomless wine with pineapple. From a box. Because that’s how it goes down here in Panama. In a box, on a boat, under a near-full moon and it was one of the happiest I have been in a long time. Irish music playing in the background, jokes and stories for hours, plus a kitty on deck who made sure to be in the middle of it all. Victoria is going to add a few yoga classes to the schedule at Palmar! Lifelong friend in the making, got that feeeeelin’.
I am so, perfectly content in this current moment. Right now. On this beach. Seeing what happens to be stored in my mind come out as I type. There’s a soft breeze coming off of the waves and the sun is setting to my left, the West, a brilliant moon rising towards my right, the East. A small but hardy cabana made of palm leaves above my head.
Why do we always look behind us? Why do we always look ahead of us? It’s easy to say “be perfectly content in the now” when life is writing blogs on a beach, but what about the rest of life? The times when things are so unfairly hard that we can’t bare to be in the moment because it’s too painful. Because I have been there, and I will be there again but for now I can say that I will strive to allow myself to be completely present in the given moment because it will pass. Nothing is forever. I can say I will leave this place, but I don’t know when. I can say that I have previously been here, but previous is not now. This is now. You are in your now. We are all in our “now” together wherever we are and there will never be anything else but this moment.
Breathe that in. Enjoy your chair, your room, the space you are in, the people sharing this moment on a universal scale with you. Contentment is quite a challenge in our society. Want, want, want, more, more, more. Know that you will have more, and you will have less. Right now you have what you have and without grasping onto the “want”, we can receive, manifest, attract. Don’t try so hard, have faith and acceptance that the shit will pass, and the heavenly stuff will also pass. It is an ebb and flow just like your breath, your heart pumping blood through your veins, the setting of the sun, and the rising of the moon. How beautiful is this movement and this moment that are existing around us and inside of us.
Everyone is loving my classes, even though I’m nervous every time. Is it enough variety? Is my voice annoying? Have I said this cue 10 times already? What was the sequence I just did on the right side?
But then I laugh at myself out-loud and everyone else laughs with me. I try to spread a sense of comfort around the space because I can so easily feel another person’s insecurities and doubt. We relax and laugh together and I mess up and they mess up because we are human. And I like messing up because I don’t want to be perfect. I am silly, spontaneous, and eager to please, mixed with a spoonful of pensiveness and curiosity. I make mistakes, I worry, I fear of judgement but then I think about how we will only ever be right here, right now so I chill out. Chiilllll out.
Odd energy leading up to full moons (Wednesday). Dogs get in fights, people miscommunicate, you will feel crazily wired and then relentlessly exhausted at the flip of a switch. So all we can do is go with the flow, listen to beautiful music, look at the sun setting in all it’s glory and be right here, right now.
Acceptance. Grace. Contentment.
